Well, here it goes. My first blog post… Can I be honest with you? Can we do real talk? Okay, real talk. Part of me is embarrassed to be on here admitting my little experiment. The other part, well, she’s exhilarated by the process of it all.
It’s not like this is my first attempt at online dating. I’ve been on two successful dates because of it. It’s just not exactly what I want my story to be… But when my mum and dad started talking to me about it and how it wouldn’t be a bad idea since I’m in the middle of Nowhere, USA, I decided to embrace it. Fully. And the best way to do that, is to write about it because it is going to be entertaining. I can promise you that. Especially because my middle name is Awkward, or at least it should be.
So buckle your seat belts, or don’t if you’re one of those people, because you’re about to get the full-on, all-access, well-detailed ride that may, or may not, lead to me finding the other
pea to my pod, scratch that, I hate peas. Just put your seat belt on, because at the very least my life is about to get interesting.
But first, back story. It all started on OkCupid, I was feeling brave and I was curious about the online dating world because like I said, I’m awkward, and dating in real life was frightening. So I go on this site, I make my selling pitch, post some horrifying selfie that makes me look way prettier than I am, and BAM, I am flocked like a crumb by seagulls.
The truth about online dating is this. For every 100 hundred men you scroll through, 3 will catch your eye. The rest of them should probably be in jail or a psychiatric ward. Just saying. Real talk, right?
Anyways, out of my three picks, one particularly caught my eye, let’s call him Scotch (like the tape). If he was who he said he was, he checked off a good number of my wants. Tall. Yes please. Good smile. Yep. Kind-hearted. Mhmm. And within, an hour, he was able to woo my weak-willed feminine self into a date.
Sure, I agreed to go on a date with a complete stranger. Sure, he could have actually been a serial killer. But I’m not dumb. I made arrangements.
Just across the street from where I would meet him, my partner in crime would be waiting, ready to rush the scene, all ganxsta style, if anything were to go wrong. We’ll call her Penguin.
Scotch, though, was exactly who he said he was. Same smile, amazing height, kind, and truly a boy at heart. I’ve never seen anyone play laser tag so intensely. He was Barney Stinson.
Side Note: Penguin, reeking of Long Islands, came waddling in at one point, and he was totally cool with her tagging along with her own boy toy.
And you know what? I had fun. Scotch was fun. He paid like a gentleman. He walked me to my car. What more could a girl ask for?
But, as you will learn, I am a skeptic. I am the bane of my own existence. A crusher of my own dreams, if you will.
I stopped talking to Scotch and I never heard from him again. Why? Well, the ultimate struggle with oneself, the idea that you actually care for someone else.
Spoiler: That someone else was of course someone I would never admit feelings for but every time another person entered my life, I used it as an excuse to destroy my love life before it even existed.
And then, someone else was gone too. And I was gone. And it was finally the perfect time to try again. With prior success, I trusted OkCupid to help me with that once again.
Once again, OkCupid outdid itself (after scrolling through the felons) and this guy met the same Criteria as Scotch had but this guy had more. I had a feeling that he would be the one. We’ll call him Cob (like the corn).
Cob was great and three hours later, I was really thinking that I liked his awkward self. Ever the gentleman, he paid, he walked me to my car, he hugged me, he made me text him when I got home. Gentleman.
But even after a second date, even with Penguin there once again (no long islands this time), even after winning a game of Catan, Cob disappeared. Or rather, he became disinterested. The good morning texts stopped. And I was tired of putting in the effort.
I never want to be that desperate girl. So I let Cob fade into the background and with him, I said goodbye to online dating.
That is, until now. I’m back with a new vengeance, a different attitude. I’m here to have fun. To meet people. To make a statement. To connect in this small world after all.
And boy, just wait until you hear about the new pickings. 3 dating sites. Men galore. A new confidence. Will I find the one? Maybe.
Truth is, I really am just a fish climbing a tree… I don’t know what I’m doing. But at least it will be exciting.
Stay tuned: Descriptions of bachelors coming soon.